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'Cause when you showed me myself, I became someone else.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
Recent Entries 
2nd-Oct-2010 09:15 pm(no subject)
tee tee & sa sa

I miss my nephews :(

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

29th-May-2010 08:25 am - Anxiety
tee tee & sa sa

Since my uncle died in september I've been having a hard time with sickness. It seems like everyday I add another symptom to my ever growing list of complaints. Before Christmas my boss had to take me to the ER cause I was having a very hard time breathing and it seemed like it wasn't getting any better. That dr told me it was just my asthma making an appearence again (strange since I haven't had any issues in the last 8 years) so that was that. It went away for a while but after Christmas it came back worse then before and it was a daily thing. I spent many days crying because I couldn't breath. The only way I could get a deep breath was by yawning. Work was hell cause I couldn't breathe properaly. As if that wasn't bad enough then I started getting chest pain and thought for sure I was having a heart attack. This whole time my blood pressure was through the roof which didn't make sense either since I had lost 30 lbs shouldn't that make my bloo pressure better? At this point I was seeing the dr pretty much once a week. I felt so bad going and complaining of another issue all the time but I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. My mom suggested I google anxiety so I did and sure enough of about 100 symptoms I read I had about 85 of them. I seen a different dr and he put me on meds which seemed like they were helping at first but now they don't seem to be helping at all. My dr put my dose up and it still doesn't seem o help. I hate to go back cause I feel like such a complainer but everyday I just feel like shit. It takes everything in me not to call in sick to work. As if having all this shit happening to me isn't bad enough I go to work an listen to my coworker tell me it's all in my head I just worry too much.. Etc.

Right now I'm at work and i'm dizzy, have spots in front of my eyes, can't breathe, sweating like hell. I mean the list just never ends. Everyday is just a struggle espically at work cause that's where it's worse. I wish I could be off work until this is all sorted out but that's not going to happen any time soon

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

29th-May-2010 08:25 am - Anxiety
tee tee & sa sa

Since my uncle died in september I've been having a hard time with sickness. It seems like everyday I add another symptom to my ever growing list of complaints. Before Christmas my boss had to take me to the ER cause I was having a very hard time breathing and it seemed like it wasn't getting any better. That dr told me it was just my asthma making an appearence again (strange since I haven't had any issues in the last 8 years) so that was that. It went away for a while but after Christmas it came back worse then before and it was a daily thing. I spent many days crying because I couldn't breath. The only way I could get a deep breath was by yawning. Work was hell cause I couldn't breathe properaly. As if that wasn't bad enough then I started getting chest pain and thought for sure I was having a heart attack. This whole time my blood pressure was through the roof which didn't make sense either since I had lost 30 lbs shouldn't that make my bloo pressure better? At this point I was seeing the dr pretty much once a week. I felt so bad going and complaining of another issue all the time but I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. My mom suggested I google anxiety so I did and sure enough of about 100 symptoms I read I had about 85 of them. I seen a different dr and he put me on meds which seemed like they were helping at first but now they don't seem to be helping at all. My dr put my dose up and it still doesn't seem o help. I hate to go back cause I feel like such a complainer but everyday I just feel like shit. It takes everything in me not to call in sick to work. As if having all this shit happening to me isn't bad enough I go to work an listen to my coworker tell me it's all in my head I just worry too much.. Etc.

Right now I'm at work and i'm dizzy, have spots in front of my eyes, can't breathe, sweating like hell. I mean the list just never ends. Everyday is just a struggle espically at work cause that's where it's worse. I wish I could be off work until this is all sorted out but that's not going to happen any time soon

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

1st-Oct-2008 06:07 pm(no subject)
tee tee & sa sa
Some people should just never be allowed to speak. I work in the public so obviously i hear people say shit all the time and i just let it fly over my head but this time it just hit a nerve. If i didn't have a store full of people I would have said something back to them.
These 2 guys were paying for gas/ getting lotto tickets chatting to each other when one says "I heard the Elton John concert was sold out last night in Halifax" and the other guy says "yea and all the straight people stood with their asses to the wall"
I was SO SHOCKED. I can't believe the things some people say. Sometimes you should really THINK before speak or don't speak at all

Seriously though THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. You don't know whos around you and how they will react to some things.
7th-Sep-2008 06:43 pm - I miss you
tee tee & sa sa

Theres only 1 thing in life I regret and that's not being able to hug my grandma one last time before she died. It's been almost 5 months since she passed and I still cannot stop thinking about her. I just wish I didn't let life get in the way and I had gone to see her before she died. An entire month I didn't visit her and theres no excuse for that. I use to visit her EVERYDAY and then because i didn't want to face the fact that she was dying i stopped going to see her and now that kills me. I know everybody misses her but i was so close to her. I can't even begin to tell you how much she means to me.
I miss not being told off for whistling cause "girls are't supposed to whistle" It annoyed me so much everytime she said it but now i'd love to hear it just one more time.
I miss making her laugh. Everybody always said i was the only one that could cheer her up. I just want to see her smile one last time.
I miss her kisses. She always made sure i kissed her everyday before i left and it was not fun but now i wish i could kiss her once more.
I miss all her cooking. I know i complained lots of times cause it wasn't the greatest but it was nice knowing she cared enough to cook for me.
I miss her teaching me how to bake/cook.

I miss going places with her.
I miss her daily phone calls.

I miss our get togethers on Christmas eve. It was very rare that everybody showed up but last Christmas everybody DID show up.. everybody except me because i had to work. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.  I didn't know it would be my last christmas with her.

Every year i have to live with the fact that she died 8 days before my birthday. I didn't get to thank her, for everything she's done for me.

I've never had to deal with death before, sure i know lots of relatives that have died but i always pretend it never happened or push it into the back of my head but i cant this time. My grandma was my life. Theres so much stuff i want to show her but now I can't.

I've spent this entire day crying my eyes out because i just miss her so much

 



 

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